Wednesday, October 22, 2008

A Silent Hardship

As I had posted before, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day just passed. I posted about on this blog, my other blog, Myspace bulletins and also a mass text message to several friends and family. Why did I do this? To spread awareness.

A friend who has had a miscarriage replied to my text message that she doesn't like to be reminded and never talks about it to people who have not been through it. I can definitely understand that. That very reason inspired me to write a blog about what not to say someone who has had a miscarriage (Click here to read).

Her text message got me thinking. I called this blog post a silent hardship because that's exactly what it is. When I first shared this blog with people, I had already written several blogs. A friend of mine emailed me saying that she never realized what having a miscarriage meant emotionally. She stated that nobody talks about it so she truly had no idea until she read my blog. She felt she had a better understanding of this kind of loss and was truly sorry I had experienced it. I was touched and sad that to discover that she was right.

Having a miscarriage is a very personal thing. Some choose to go through it alone. Bottle it up and stash it away somewhere. If every person did this (and a majority of them do) then no one will understand what we have gone through. I think our silence it was causes the type of reactions and behavior mentioned in my other blog post. They are simply unaware. And it is us, those who have experienced this, that made it that way.

I have chosen to not go through it alone. I am wide open with it. I want to spread awareness and I want people to understand that this loss hurts. It stings and leaves scars in our hearts that will always be there. Scars fade but are constant reminders of our past. Scars can make us stronger. So I think we need to tell the stories of our scars.

I mentioned above that I posted about the day of remembrance on a Myspace bulletin. I asked that my friends repost this bulletin and help me spread awareness. And it's disappointing to say that 2, yes only 2, people reposted this bulletin. One was a friend named Danielle who I met through my mother's good friend (her daughter) and the other was a girl I knew from high school who I haven't seen in almost 10 years. Among my Myspace friends are my best and closest friends and family. I believe I have 260 friends and only 2 reposted. 2. It made me sad. This is something I asked for support and I got 2 reposts. I am thankful for those reposts but I really thought more people would support me.

And maybe I shouldn't take that personally but I did. And maybe there was something I didn't repost in support of them. But if I read it, I would have. I find it hard to believe that only 2 out of 260 people read that bulletin.

This only proves my point even further. If it was a post about Breast Cancer, it would have gotten more attention. Miscarriages and Infant loss does not get the attention it deserves. And I hope if there are any of you reading this that are a part of the majority that stays silent, that you will change your mind. Give this tragedy the attention it deserves. Allow society to view this type of loss as something that matters and is more than just a fluke.

1 comment:

freaked-out quarter-lifer said...

OK... this is the third time I've tried to post this comment! $@# %^!&@#^ Blogger! Maybe the third time is the charm... If the other two comments somehow magically come through later, sorry!

Soooo here goes...

I reposted the P/IL bulletin on Myspace.. I have 80 or 90-something Myspace friends, and I didn't get a single repost. Not one. You are so right on. Had it been about Breast Cancer (which I'm all over because it has affected my friends and family), Heart Disease, or even Autism, I believe we would have seen more reposts than we did. It sucks that the P/IL moms, their spouses and extended families have had to suffer in silence. I personally think it's because society in general associates pregnancy with "glowing" and "glowing" with a healthy baby. Look at the pics Stacy posted during her pregnancy with Isaac and I think you'll agree she was "glowing" (even though she obviously looked sad in some of the pics).

I have to admit that even I wasn't aware of how many lives were affected by P/IL until I started reading your miscarriage blog (and therefore started to find other moms like you!).

The point of this VERY long comment is.... Thank you. Thank you for speaking up and reaching out. Keep doing what you're doing. And I'm sorry that you are part of the unfortunate sisterhood of the P/IL moms, but I have to say as an outsider, it seems like a pretty tight-knit and awesomely supportive group. Thank you, and thanks to so many other P/IL moms (and dads!) for having the courage, strength and grace to tell your stories.

Glad we're friends :)