Thursday, January 31, 2008

My Husband Said the Sweetest Thing

I was showing my husband the new blog posted below with the pictures of our kitten Oscar. He pointed at the pictures and said "He is our first baby" I didn't understand what he meant. "Our is baby reincarnated in him."

I went to the kitchen to get some food and burst into tears. I came back into our room and thanked him for saying that.

I never thought of it that way. We got him the day after the D&C. I know some have planted trees in honor of their lost babies but we rent so we can't. I love thinking our kitty represents our first baby. I want to cry everytime I pet him! It makes Oscar mean so much more to me.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

I Think I am in Love

My kitten, Oscar, is the cutest little kitten pop. We got him the day after the miscarriage. Since then, he has at least tripled in size. He is adorable. See for yourself.....



Couldn't you just take a bite out of him!! Freakin Adorable!!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

My Cat Plays Fetch

My cat, Oscar, plays fetch! He will be playing with a toy or whatever he finds amusing on our bed. I will take it, throw it off the bed, and he jumps off and grabs it. He will then bring it back on the bed. I grab it and repeat. This hilarious. Just makes me think even more that he is actually a dog in cats clothing!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Pregnant Guidelines

Came across this on a message board and found it amusing. Although I think some of them are a little harsh but I completely agree with #3, 5 & 6. Read the next one, which a rebuttal to the first! Hilarious!!

Dear Non-Pregnant Person,

I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me- then you should probably read this twice.

1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is "Congratulations!" with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you an ####

2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase "my baby".

3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in #2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it.

4) The body of a pregnant women should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someones stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.

5) Likewise, no women wants to hear comments on her weight- ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is "You look fabulous!".

6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes.

7) There is a reason that tickets to L&D are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents.

8) Like everything else is life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to "help out". If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.

9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.

10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.

I hope this helps- it sure makes me feel better.

~Author Unknown


Dear Pregnant Person,
I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with non-pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me- then you should probably read this twice.

1) Realize that if you tell a someone that you are having a baby and they don't respond with a shriek, spirit fingers, and an enthusiastic "Congratulations!", its probably because the vision of the havoc your spawn will someday wreak on the human race and just died a little inside. Assuming that everyone on the planet should be overcome with joy at the announcement of your pregnancy makes you an ass.

2) I don't want it to be "my baby." If I wanted a baby, I'd make one (and it would be way smarter and cuter than yours).

3) On the same note, if you are going to talk endlessly about said baby, and solicit my advice only to argue about how to raise this still conceptual child, please, don't ask my opinion. Just because I am not physically with child this moment doesn't mean I don't know jack *** about kids.

4) Your alien-like pokey outie belly button gives me the heeby jeebies. Please keep it far away from me. No, I don't want to touch it. Ewe.

5) Stop kidding yourself - its not ALL baby weight. I guarantee that kid doesn't weigh the 45 pounds you've put on.

6) But summer IS hot. Clearly, you weren't thinking when you chose to mate in late fall.

7) No one in their right mind wants to witness you giving birth. Even your husband is secretly repulsed by the miracle of life, but plays to your need for him to be "involved". Strongly reconsider your relationship with anyone who wants to be in the room while you squeeze that puppy out - cause they aren't right in the head.

8) Really, I don't want to go to your appointments. I have other things to do, like work, sleep, and binge drink. Nor do I want to hear about this week's 12.243 week checkup in EXCRUCIATING detail. Or see 13 different pictures of the same blob that in no way resembles human life yet and hear you say "oh, he has Ron's nose!"

9) Helping is what husbands are for. Don't ask your friends to be your maid, cook your food, or do any of the other things that your perfectly capable, fully-functioning adult husband can do with only a little nagging. Pioneer women had babies two at a time with no drugs in the corn crib, and go right back to hoeing the fields and hunting dinner mere hours later. Suck it up.

10) Really, I know you think everyone is just ALL about this baby of yours,, because, after all, the last nine months of OUR lives have revolved around YOUR offspring, but we really just tell you we can't wait to see the baby because we love you and we know its what you want to hear. Not that it isn't a BLAST to hang out with an exhausted new mom and poopy, fragile, caulicy baby on my day off.....Privilege my ass.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

A New Outlook

I have decided that I am going to have a more positive outlook of everything. I have spent the past few weeks in what feels like a black hole. I had someone tell me last night that I am not my usual bubbly self and that they know I have been through a lot but they missed the old me. This didn't upset up me at all, it just made me realize what a funk I have been in and that it is obvious.

I am usually good at saving face and putting on a smile but I guess it's not working this time. When someone who isn't around me much notices something like this, it sets off a red flag in my mind. Of course, it is because of other reasons than just the miscarriage. My self esteem is at its lowest it has ever been in my life but that's a whole other blog in itself.

So here I am vowing to myself, and anyone else who reads this, to have a more positive outlook. Try to go back to my normal self. So here it goes, Day 1. I will keep you updated.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

I Welcome Everything

I welcome everything. I welcome the morning sickness, the nausea, the face break outs, the sore boobs, the bloating, the weight gain....anything! I am okay with gaining 100 pounds if that means for me to birth a healthy baby. I am okay with throwing up everyday if that means a healthy baby.

When the day comes, I welcome everything.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

The Day You Slipped Away

This is a video I ran across on It made me cry but I wanted to share it with you.

The song is Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne. Click on link below....

Lyrics of Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne

Nah-nah, nah nah nah, nah-nah
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad.
I hope you can hear me,I remember it clearly...

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same

Oh Nah-nah, nah nah nah, nah-nah
I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand.
I wish that I could see you again,I know that I can't

I hope you can hear me,
'cause I remember it clearly...

The day you slipped away,
Was the day I found it won't be the same


I've had my wake up,
Won't you wake up,
I keep asking why.

And I can't take it,
It wasn't fake, it
It happened, you passed by

Now you're gone, now you're gone
There you go, there you go--
Somewhere, I can't bring you back!

Now you're gone, now you're gone
There you go, there you go--
Somewhere, you're not coming back

The day you slipped away,
Was the day I found it won't be the same, oh...

The day you slipped away,
Was the day that I found it won't be the same oh...

Nah-nah, nah nah nah, nah-nah

I miss you

The Quest to have a Baby

I never thought so much would go into conceiving a child. In the beginning, you picture a duration of passionate crazy nights of sex and excitement. Only to realize how much of a chore it becomes. Suddenly you are scheduling when you need to baby dance around busy schedules. You also think it will not be an issue of any kind. Sex = baby right? Wrong. It's all about timing. How will you know your timing is correct? Charts, temps, ovulation kits....takes the fun right out of it. It becomes this quest of determination to plant the seed. Every month, you only have only a 25% chance of getting pregnant. That is frustratingly low. Though so far we have not been bitten by the infertility bug, we have had our obstacles.

It the midst of all the baby dancing, two week wait after you ovulate, peeing on the life changing home pregnancy test; you forget to realize that getting pregnant is not the end of the pursuit. A whole other set of worries and rules set in. What to eat, what not to eat, no lifting, don't do this, make sure you do that. Then there is making it through what seems like an eternity......the 1st trimester. Typically, if you have a heartbeat by 7 weeks, your chances of miscarrying are 5%. For some women, that is high, too high, frighteningly high. We didn't have a heartbeat at 7 weeks. We are a part of a different statistic, one I never imagined I would relate to. Trying to conceive is a part time job in itself. It makes me realize what a true miracle birthing a healthy baby is. Now that's a world I would love to live in....Motherhood.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

It would be nice.....

It would be nice if people learned to have more tact. I think the world would be a better place.

For those who don't know what it means to be tactful, here's a clue: a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense.

Learn it. Live it. Love it.

The End

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

What NOT to say to someone who has experienced a Miscarriage

In this horrible experience, I have come across the most supportive and sincere people. They have truly helped me through this process more than they will ever imagine. But I have also come across insensitive, oblivious people who have no idea what to say to comfort a person who has experienced a miscarriage. It seriously feels like their common sense goes out the window. I can even say that a few of these women have had miscarriages themselves.

I understand that everyone is different, grieves different and is comforted different. However, after being a part of an AMAZING support group full of awesome ladies who have experienced the same thing I can honestly report the DOs and DON'TS of comforting a person who has experienced a miscarriage. I understand that most of these comments are merely the innocent attempt to provide comfort and hope. I guess this is my way of letting some of you know that it is not always the case. Especially if you hear the same comments over and over. After awhile it makes you want to scream. Here they are (and this is only to name a few).....

  • It is all a part of God's Plan..... Unless the person is extremely religious and you know that they believe this too, please keep these types of comments to yourself. No one wants to hear that this "plan" was what God meant for you.

  • It was not meant to be....... First thing that goes through my head when I hear this is WHY NOT? Especially if the women tried for their baby. We thought it was meant to be which is why we tried in the first place.

  • It was not the right time, When the time is right you will have a baby.... Kind of goes along with the above. WHY wasn't it the right time?? We tried for this baby, we KNOW it's the right time for us. If it wasn't we wouldn't have tried. All this comment does is make us feel that you are saying we are too young or not mature enough to handle a baby right now.

  • Everything happens for a reason.... Really, then give me a reason why this happened? The answer to that will probably follow with any of the insensitive comments below. How can you justify an answer to this?

  • At least you can get pregnant... That's great. But isn't the ultimate goal to BIRTH a baby? You can't exactly do this if you have miscarriage. The ability to get pregnant means nothing compared to being able to carry to term. Just ask the ladies who have had multiple miscarriages. Getting pregnant is a huge step in the process, not the ultimate goal.

  • At Least it happened early before you get attached... Ask yourself this, can you honestly say this comment is true? Can you honestly say that it should hurt LESS?

  • It wasn't a baby yet.... Tell that to its beating heart when it suddenly stops.

  • There was something wrong with the baby/It's better than having a retarded baby... For one, how do you know I wouldn't accept and love a "retarded" baby just the same? Ask parents of mentally challenged children if they would have rather had a miscarriage.

  • You will get pregnant again/You will have other children.... Yes, you are correct in this but how is this supposed to make me feel better about THIS baby? Would you say the same thing to a mother/father who just lost a young child months/years after its birth?

Now for the DON'Ts.....

  • Do not follow a miscarriage story with stories of your abortion(s)
  • Do not offer us one of your kids
  • Do not flood us with your own ultrasound pictures, new baby pictures, random cute children pictures unless we ASK
  • Do not tell stories of your friend who had multiple miscarriages before she had her 2 kids.....especially if it is our first miscarriage. The last thing we need our heads is the possibility of this happening again
  • Do not assume or ask us if the cause of the miscarriage was possibly due to something that was in our control. Examples: Was it because you flew on a plane? Was it because you ate sushi? Was it because you drank that one night before you knew you were pregnant?
  • Don't stare at us like we are from another planet
  • Don't uncomfortably shift in your chair or sit in silence.
  • Don't discuss our miscarriage with other people. If we want certain people knowing, we will tell them ourselves.

At last but NOT least.....

  • Do not assume that because it has been X amount of weeks/months/years that we should be over it and not allowed to be upset, scared or grieve. This is something that will live in our hearts forever even after we birth healthy children. It's hard to truly understand what we are going through unless it has happened to you. Even if it took one person a shorter amount of time than another to move on doesn't give you the right to be shocked, annoyed or unsupportive when we are still grieving.

The DOs:

  • Tell us you are sorry
  • Tell us you are here for us
  • Give us a hug
  • Offer your shoulder, your ear, your heart
  • Ask us if we are okay...even if it is weeks/months since.
  • Be our friend

I hope this has shed some light for anyone who is stuck not knowing how to react or what to say when wanting to offer support or comfort. It's amazing how great people are with handling this type of crisis or traumatic experience.

Thank you to all those who have been there for me. A special thanks to the ladies of the Nest Pregnancy Loss board. You have been the most amazing support system and I would not be where I am now if I didn't have all of your kind words of encouragement and support!

Miscarriage Statistics

I was googling trying to find info about miscarriage statistics and this is what I found....

The statistics regarding miscarriage vary widely depending on the source. Here are some of the basic numbers.

Almost 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, with the majority occurring during the first 12 weeks.

There is a 75% chance of miscarriage in weeks 1-2 of pregnancy, when you do not know you are pregnant.

There is a 10% chance of miscarriage in weeks 3-6 and this number drops to 5% during weeks 6-12.

During the second trimester the chance of miscarriage drops again to 3%. After you’ve reached 20 weeks gestation, it is no longer considered a miscarriage.

For repeat miscarriage the statistic are as follows:

If you have had a miscarriage during your first pregnancy, your chances of another miscarriage are 10-13%.

If you have had one or more live births and one miscarriage your chance of another miscarriage is around 10%.

There is a 40% chance of a repeat miscarriage if you have had two pregnancies and two miscarriages.

The chance of multiple miscarriages is lower, at around 13%, if you have had one or more live births.

If you have had three pregnancies and three miscarriages there is a 60% chance you will miscarry again. If you have had four miscarriages with no live births your chances of a healthy pregnancy drop to 0-5%.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Sunken Ship

My ship has sunk. I was sailing into the beautiful sunset, ready for the new and excited for whats to come. But underneath all this new found glory, I am scared to death. Just when I thought I rising from all the wreckage, I have fallen back.

My hopes for future happiness have been crushed by my own worries and thoughts. Watching all the pregnant women walking around makes my heart ache. The thought of disappointment this month if I find out I am not pregnant is unbearable right now. I am patiently waiting for my emotions to snap back into place but I feel like such a mess.

It's just a giant waiting game. Waiting to see what the future holds. Waiting to be pregnant again. But I am beginning to realize where I went wrong the first time. I wanted to be pregnant. All I could think about is getting pregnant. Well I got pregnant. But I got it all wrong, so wrong. Pregnancy is not the goal and you need to look beyond the pregnancy. Ultimately what I should be wishing for is a baby. I now know that it is a baby I need to hope for not the mere fact of getting pregnant.

It has changed. I'm not scared of not getting pregnant, I am scared of not staying pregnant. It feels as though you are never in the clear of miscarriage until the baby is born and then there is a whole other realm of worries. I feel like I have been hit by a mack truck. I want so bad for the emotional healing to be over. This is a roller coaster ride I can't wait to finish. Just when I get excited, it sends me through a loop.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

I am a Miscarriage Survivor

I am a miscarriage survivor. But what does it mean to be a miscarriage survivor?

The dictionary defines survivor as to remain alive or in existence. My baby isn't alive, is no longer in existence. But I am, so that makes me a survivor?? There has to be more to it.

A survivor is also defined as to carry on despite hardships or trauma, to persevere. I survived the physical aspects of a miscarriage. For those who have never had one only look at it from the emotion stand point of loss. What most people don't understand is that you not only go through a miscarriage emotionally, but you go through it physically. After the physical part is over, you are left feeling empty with a great deal of sorrow you never felt possible. The disappointment is overwhelming. You feel like a failure in the eyes of your family, friends and your husband. I was unable to carry this child to term. I announced this amazing news and now I have failed. I failed to carry this child to what it should have been, to what it could have been. I ripped the dream of being a grandmother from my mom. Her excitement turned to sorrow. My husband will not be a father in July. He won't be able to have his summer baby. I worked through all these emotions and come out in one piece. I have coped with the trauma and persevered through it. As much as humanly possible I have persevered through it.

But have I really? Can you ever actually move past something like this? If I never get through this completely, have I truely survived it? At what point do I actually become a survivor?

This experience and sorrow will stay with me for the rest of my life. As the years go on it will be dulled with the joy of future children. But for now, I think about this everyday.

I am a miscarriage survivor, I will always be a miscarriage survivor. A part of my past I can never erase, a part of my past that will always stay with me.

I am a miscarriage survivor.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Has the cloud lifted?

I woke up a few days ago and it was as if the cloud had finally started to lift. For the first time in weeks I feel slightly normal. I'm wondering how long this will last. Randy has noticed a big difference in me and he loves it. I am hoping that this isn't just a random hormone spurt that will soon fall.

The emotional rollercoaster you go through after a miscarriage is indescribable. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And now it feels as though I am off the bumpy ride and on flat ground. I want to lose the weight I gained from being pregnant and being depressed about the miscarriage. I want to jump back into the TTC (trying to conceive) boat and give it another try. Aunt flo is here and has given me hope for the future.

I'm hoping my blogs will become happier and more random like the person I really am. So for those of you who actually read my blog, I need some major baby dust!! Send all you got my way!!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

I think my cat is a dog

I think my kitten, Oscar, is a dog in a cat's body. He is an adorable 3 months old with a ton of spunk. I guess you could call him an average male kitten. But there's one thing, he is not afraid of anything.

Any typical cat would go running at the mere sound of the vacuum cleaner. He stays put and then finds something to chase. He is not afraid of the noise of clapping your hands or wen you sneeze or cough. He is not afraid of anything! If I leave anything sitting out he is right there chewing it to pieces. He digs through the kitchen and bathroom trash. He loves to play, cuddle, be picked up and held, lay in your lap & kissed on top of the head. When you throw a toy he may chase it for a second but then he will put it in his mouth and carry it around like he just conquered his villian.

We have two dogs at our house. One is a yellow lab and the other is a great dane. When he first sees them on the other side of the sliding glass door, he runs up with such excitement he doesn't realize he can't go through the door and runs right into it. He continues to meow at the dogs and wants to play. He meets Jake, the yellow lab, and he is all over him. Batting at his face, rubbing on his legs. To Oscar, Jake is the next best thing since sliced bread.

He meets the great dane, keep in mind that Duke's head comes up to my boobs. He is about 150 pounds. Oscar jumps at his face and CHASES Duke around the house!! The other morning, the dogs were sleeping in the garage and then they are let out side. Oscar is perched on the top of the couch waiting. Duke comes out of the garage and walks past the couch. Oscar takes a flying leap off the couch right at Duke's face. Duke jumps back and runs outside. Imagine that, a 4 pound kitten jumping at a 150 pound dog with no fear.

He is the cutest thing ever! And he gets much joy out of unrolling the toilet paper roll that is on the holder, leaving a huge pile of paper on the floor.

Oh- did I mention he likes to lay on his back with his legs spread open and air out his junk?

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Here's to 2008

Cheers to a new beginning!! Hopefully it will be filled with the pidder-padder of tiny little feet. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we embark on our second round of trying to conceive.

Cheers to 2008!!