Friday, August 29, 2008

If Ignorance could kill, I'd be dead!

I went by my doctors office today to drop off paperwork for FMLA and SDI. As I am standing at the front desk I hear this girl speaking loudly to another girl waiting. The loud girl is with her newborn baby and starts talking about how pregnancy was the worst experience in her life and anything is better than being pregnant. Then talked about how she had the "induction from hell" and was in labor for 36 hours before she gave birth.

If I wasn't preoccupied with talking to the nurse I seriously might have gone off. There was a time when I was sitting in that waiting room, waiting for my m/c to be confirmed and then sitting in there for my follow up appointment after the D&C. To hear something like that would have devastated me. My OB is also a fertility specialist so there could have been someone waiting there who would give anything to "hate" pregnancy. I would gladly take an "induction from hell" than have to visit my daughter in the NICU.

Ugh. I really hate that certain experiences can make you so bitter and intolerable of other people's ignorance or lack of tact.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

My gorgeous daughter, Hailey

Just had to show off a picture!
The tube in her nose is her feeding tube. Luckily she never had to be on oxygen!!

I Think I spoke too Soon, I had my baby

So I write a blog stating it's still terrifying even at 32 weeks pregnant. Well, one week later, Hailey arrives 7 weeks early!! She is doing great but still in the NICU. Could be another few weeks until she comes home.

I am handling it well, or at least that's what I am told. But I am running on adrenaline. I had a baby a week ago and I am running back and forth to the hospital. You wouldn't think it has only been a week. I even get comments from the nurses. It's very overwhelming. I have to leave her everyday. I break down sometimes when I am alone. I try to be as strong as I can because if I am not it's not going to make this any easier. Thank goodness for a vaginal birth because I don't think I could force out the energy I am if I didn't.

But I have a beautiful daughter and an amazing husband and I am so thankful she is doing so well. If you would like to check out some pictures and see her progress, check out my other blog:

Sunday, August 10, 2008

It's Still Terrifying

You would think since I am 32 weeks pregnant that I feel totally confident that this pregnancy is a success. Wrong. I am still scared to this day. There are so many things that can happen even in this stage of pregnancy. And the scary part is that if something were to....a death certificate would be issued.

It isn't until she comes out and is placed on my stomach that I will breath a little easier. Only 5-7 weeks to go.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

My Original EDD came and went

July original EDD. It came quicker than I expected and passed quickly too. Surprisingly, I did a lot better than I thought. It was hard to think tat I should have a newborn right now but I am so excited to be having Hailey, it drowns out the sorrow. Many may feel that since I am pregnant again, I shouldn't be sad anymore.....those people have obviously never been through this.

My grandmother told a story the other day of her friend who placed a memorial bench in a cemetery and had a plaque (amongst others for other family members) made for the miscarriage she suffered 52 years back. My grandma made fun of her friend. Not understanding why she would do such a thing. I don't think she realized what she was saying....and that she said it in front of me. Without thinking I responded "It stays with you for the rest of your life" and then the tears came. i didn't mean to cry and I didn't even feel the urge to. But it goes to show that there are a lot of people that still and never will get the pain that goes along with this. It's looked upon as a fluke, "better luck next time" sort of thing. Those have obviously never experienced this.

I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. The thought of always having the carry this around. Next time I get pregnant and go to the doctor they will ask what # pregnancy this is. It will be my 3rd....but only my 2nd child. Even now, when taking those false alarm trips to L&D. My 2nd pregnancy.....1st child. When asked what surgeries I have had... I get to write down D&C. I have been asked...from an abortion or miscarriage. WOW will some assume I had an abortion? Great. Just what I need.