Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I think Paul Newman nailed it on the head with this one!

“I'm a supporter of gay rights. And not a closet supporter either. From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community. There are so many qualities that make up a human being... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant.”--Paul Newman

Monday, February 23, 2009

I Woke up Skinny

OK so I didn't wake up 30 pounds skinnier but I am sure every women can relate to this!

P.M.S. Yea, it's the pits. For me, I retain water and bloat up to a week before Aunt Flo decides to visit. Then once she arrives, I deflate and feel skinnier. All the build up then release after the flow begins. It's like filling a balloon with water, then suddenly letting go of the end of balloon and all the water comes pouring out causing the balloon to shrink.

Yes, I feel like a human water balloon.

So basically 3 out of 4 weeks I feel like a giant troll, then for another 5 days or so the wrath of Aunt Flo. It's not fun. Being a women blows sometimes!

What do men have to deal with on a monthly basis? (And for you men out there, dealing with us during this time doesn't count!) I don't understand this part of the creation of humans. Men may be hairy and gross with rotten smelling bodily functions but they get some sort of enjoyment out of being disgusting.

What's enjoyable about a women's monthly cycle? I'd really like to know. We certainly do not find humor in it and we definitely don't show off our disgustingness with our friends.

The only good thing I can say right now is that they have become easier after childbirth. Hallelujah for that!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Miscarriage Survivor: Proof of Success After a Loss

Here you are looking at a group of ladies who have suffered a miscarriage (except for 2). As you can see, we are all holding babies. Here is proof of success after a miscarriage.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Okay Lurkers!! Come out, Come out where ever you are!!

Calling all lurkers!!

Let me know who you are!! Leave me a comment and tell me how you came across my blog!!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Baby Fluff

This is what I call the extra weight carried from pregnancy. Baby fluff. My new and improved muffin top!

I am beginning to realize that in no way does pre-pregnancy weight mean a pre-pregnancy body. Those are now 2 completely different things!

When I was breast feeding, the weight melted off. Not to mention I swelled like the dickens while pregnant so it was like I shrunk and shriveled back to size. Although once I stopped, the fluff started to come back!! Breast feeding was like exercising every 3 hours. Lots of calories burned! My milk came in great so I was "exercising" like crazy!

Now, not so much. I keep drawing up a plan to loose the baby fluff but it always fails. I am at pre-pregnancy weight, but no where near pre-pregnancy body!

Where the hell did my motivation go? I have lost it. If you find it, point it back my way!

While I should be on the treadmill running, blogging sounds much more appealing!

A Story of a Miscarriage

The true reason I started this blog was to give myself some self-therapy. Writing things out can be such a huge outlet and it worked wonders for me. At first i didn't share this blog with anyone, but then I decided I shouldn't keep it a secret. So I exposed my raw emotions for anyone to see and it was quite liberating.

It has been over a year since I lost my first little one. I thought I would re-post my story in a condensed version. So here it goes....

In October of 2007 my husband & I jumped on the TTC (trying to conceive) wagon. To our surprise we got a pregnant on the 1st try! We were so excited and told EVERYONE! Myspace bulletins and everything!

For Thanksgiving (I was almost 7 weeks) I went to Oregon and on my trip back I noticed I was spotting pink. Trying not to worry as spotting can be "normal" I only told my husband and my mom. The next day at work it stopped but then came back. I called my OB (whom I hadn't even seen yet, 1st apt wasn't until 10 weeks) and was told it was "normal" but since it stopped and come back, to go home and put my feet up.

I went home, lay down on the couch and only budged to pee. Although, it just kept coming more and more. Finally I called my OB again and was told to go to the ER since it was after hours. After a few hours, we were there and I was taken in for an ultrasound. They wouldn't let my husband come for some reason. The tech was silent, looking around on the screen. I could barely see and what I could I had no idea what I was looking at. But I saw the tech type on the bottom "Not 7 weeks" I saw some measurements on the side that was saying around 6 weeks but still being told nothing.

The ER doc came in afterwards and told me that there was no heartbeat detected but it could still be too early and to call my OB within the next few days. I was given the awful "Threatened Miscarriage" info.

I got into my OB the next day. He confirmed it. My baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks 4 days when I should have been 7 weeks 3 days. I was devastated. We had to break the news to everyone. I felt like such a failure. I had a D&C a few days later.

We were given the green light to TTC after my 1st period. We started trying the first cycle and again pregnant on the 1st try!! Of course all the fears and anxiety came. Had an ultrasound at 6w1d, baby measured 5w4d, no heartbeat detected. My heart sunk and I freaked out. I was set up to come back a week later. I was convinced it was over. But a week later I saw a flickering heartbeat and the baby measured right on time at 7w1d.

My pregnancy was pretty smooth. No spotting at all but a few streaks of red blood at 19w but was nothing (a L&D trip to be monitored and checked). Although my water broke at 33w3d. It was a full rupture so there was no turning back.

My daughter was born healthy and breathing on her own on 8.19.2008. She weighed 5lbs 12oz and was 18 inches long. She was in the NICU for 29 days. Her only issue was feeding intolerance which ended up due to anemia. As soon as her anemia was treated, she was eating fine and out in 4 days.

She is now healthy, thriving and beautiful!

If you are interested in reading the raw emotions, click HERE. These are blogs related to my miscarriage. The ones at the very end are during the period of time I considered myself in a black hole while mourning my pregnancy loss. Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Moments That make My Heart Melt

Being a mother is amazing. My whole life have shifted. Before my career, my education, my social life, my husband were the only thing relevant in my world. After Hailey was born, that all changed. Now it's her and our family.

There are times when I just stare at her, either awake or sleeping, in total awe. There are times when it actually moves me to tears. I can sit there watching her sleeping in my peaceful, innocent and perfect...and tear up out of sheer joy. The emotions she brings to my heart are overwhelming.

Just yesterday Randy came home from work after picking up Hailey. She was asleep in the car seat. I couldn't wait for her to wake up so I picked her up. She whined a little, eyes closed, then drifted back to sleep. I sat on the couch with her cradled in my arms. About 10 minutes later she opened her eyes.

She was so excited and taken back by the fact that she woke in my arms. Her beautiful blue eyes widened. She immediately reached out and touched my face. She was wailing her other arm around in excitement. I can't describe the look on her face but it was as if she was so excited to wake up and see me. Like "It's Mommy!!" She began smiling and was just as happy as can be.

Her reaction to waking in my arms after not seeing me all day stuck with me the rest of the night. My heart smiled for hours. It still is!

This is just such an amazing experience. By far the best thing I have ever done and will ever do. I am so thankful to have my baby girl in my life. My heart melts everyday!