Sunday, January 27, 2008

A New Outlook

I have decided that I am going to have a more positive outlook of everything. I have spent the past few weeks in what feels like a black hole. I had someone tell me last night that I am not my usual bubbly self and that they know I have been through a lot but they missed the old me. This didn't upset up me at all, it just made me realize what a funk I have been in and that it is obvious.

I am usually good at saving face and putting on a smile but I guess it's not working this time. When someone who isn't around me much notices something like this, it sets off a red flag in my mind. Of course, it is because of other reasons than just the miscarriage. My self esteem is at its lowest it has ever been in my life but that's a whole other blog in itself.

So here I am vowing to myself, and anyone else who reads this, to have a more positive outlook. Try to go back to my normal self. So here it goes, Day 1. I will keep you updated.

1 comment:

kam13 said...

Hi Meghan, my name is Kamaron. I live in California. I happened to come across your blog when I was looking up info on the nest about miscarriages and ttc again. I have had 2 miscarriages and have been ttc for the past 5 months since the last miscarriage. I understand your frustration about losing something that you've always dreamed of. My first miscarriage was very similar to your story. That happened in July of 2007. It is heartbreaking. I have lost 2 best friends b/c of my miscarriages, as you commented on your blog people just don't know how to be there in support of a couple who has lost their baby. My 2 friends and I were all due within weeks of eachother, and I had to be the 1 in 5 that lost the baby...not once but twice. It is so hard to see them with their big bellies, and now holding their little ones. They just can't understand the pain. I respect your putting your loss in detail online. It really made me feel better when I read it tonight. Sometimes it feels like you are the only one in the world who has gone through these terrible things, especially when it seems as though everyone around you just gets pregnant when they look at their husband. And we have to plan out our cycles, and try accordingly. All my husband and I want is to be parents. All of my life I thought that women who didn't used birth control and had sex got pregnant, and women who got pregnant had a baby, but now I have learned that there is SO much more that goes into this miracle! I am an ER nurse and everyday I see so many women who have unplanned pregnancies, and are still smoking and drinking, or can't care for themselves or their child, and here my husband and I are in the position financially and emotionally to welcome a baby in the world. It is so hard to see this. Some days it is just hard to go out in public for fear that you will see pregnant women, or dads holding their child, or pushing a stroller. Why is this so hard? Sorry to ramble, but your blog touched me and I felt compelled to respond. I would love to chat with you a bit more if you have any free time. My email is: A little about me: My name is Kamaron, I'm 24, married to my wonderful husband Anthony who is 27, live in California, am a mommy to 2 kitties and 2 dogs, and am trying to be a miscarriage survivor....and hopefully soon MOM. Hope that you and your husband are successful on your ttc journey. Best wishes!