Monday, December 3, 2007

What just happened?

One of my worst fears came true. You know those surveys you get in your email, or even on myspace bulletins? They always have the same questions on them. One of them usually is...what is your worst fear?

We were so excited. We made that giant leap, that huge decision that will change our lives forever. We are going to start a family. And to our surprise, we got pregnant on the first try! I couldn't believe the home pregnancy test. Those 2 lines that change your life forever. We got two lines!! We are pregnant.

We were excited, scared and everything all at once. We shared our joy with our family and friends. We were so excited to begin the next stage in our lives.

And then one day, it is ripped out from underneath us. 7 weeks into my pregnancy, I started bleeding...... After a long night at the ER, it is discovered that not only am I not 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant, there is no heartbeat. The baby measured 6 weeks and 4 days. And there was no heartbeat....

We went to the OB only for him to confirm what we feared, this is not a viable pregnancy. The baby did not develop like it should have. It was not what a 7 week and 3 day old fetus should look like, it wasn't even what a 6 week old fetus should look like.

We are devastated, we are heartbroken. You can't imagine the disappoint we felt. We told our family, we told our friends and now we have to break the terrible news.

This is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my short 26 years. I can't explain the devastation and the sorrow. Even though I wasn't pregnant for long, I was so attached, so excited. I had been dreaming about becoming a mother for as long as I can remember. And here we are...back to the drawing board. We have to start over. We lost our first baby. I now have a history of miscarriage.


Anonymous said...

We went to our 8 week checkup and there was no heartbeat. It was not a viable pregnancy. The worst was that I still felt pregnant. They said we could do a D&C, but I waited. I thought my body would naturally expel everything or maybe, magically, the number of weeks were off and it would become viable! Feeling pregnant but knowing you are not is the worst thing I had ever felt. It was so unfair. I just went ahead and scheduled the D&C. I wanted to stop feeling pregnant if I wouldn't really end up with a baby. Of course, I thought I did something wrong.

Now, almost a year later, I still get baby mail. I had signed up for Baby Clubs at the local grocery stores and stuff. I still get coupons for baby diapers and baby food and such. It still hurts. I went to a baby shower the other weekend and couldn't help feeling sad/jealous that all these other women had babies and I didn't. We're going to try again in the next year or so. I'm 29 though and all these websites talking about how significantly your chances of getting pregnant decrease after age 30 are scaring me. It's so emotional. . . and depressing.

Larry Reeves Photo said...

Meghan-I had no idea about this until today. Melanie and I have been through this multiple times. Our first one was at 14 weeks. Melanie had a D&C with that one. The others were at 6 weeks. It's SO hard and I just wanted to let you know that we feel for you. I like this blog and will have to go through your archives to read more.