Because I will always remember....
Friday, October 15, 2010
Because I Remember....
October 15th marks Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. In to remember & acknowledge this day, we light a candle at 7pm in your respective time zone, hoping to create a wave of light.
Because I will always remember....
Because I will always remember....
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Success After a Loss Baby: Almost 2 years old
I cannot believe my little girl is almost two!!! Where does the times go?
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Miscarriage Survivor: 2 years later and I haven't forgotten
2 years ago, I lost my first baby. The reason I will never know. It's intriguing that, in efforts to be comforted by others, I have been constantly told that the pain will go away eventually. Or when I birth my first child, I will no longer be sad. And the most interesting, I will forget it ever happened once I have children.
It's been 2 years, I have a 15 month old daughter and guess what.... I haven't forgotten. And you know what, I never will. The experience still haunts me, still makes me sad, and still makes me wonder what could have been. I would never wish for this and would never wish for it on anyone else. If it were up to me, this would have never happened.
Things happen for a reason, right? Hmmmm, you all know my feelings on this phrase, that is if you have read this blog post.
I think I have told this story before, and I will tell it again. My Grandmother once told me how silly she thought it was that a lady she knew had a memorial bench at a cemetary where plaques were placed for family members that died, including a plaque for the miscarriage she had 52 years earlier. She didn't get it. She didn't understand why you would honor or still want to remember this type of loss. This pain is REAL, this experience is REAL. It cannot be made up, it cannot be forgotten. Even if the pain is dulled by healthy children since born, it still lies there in our hearts.
The one that will always be missing.
My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I consider her a gift my first baby gave me. It's like he/she said "Here. I cannot be there with you, but she can." I am not thankful I had a miscarriage, I am thankful that my daughter is here with me now and she is a gift from the baby that could have been.
So here it is, 2 years later. A lot has changed in the past 2 years. Scars are the reminders that our past is real. I look forward to what the future brings but I will never forget my lost baby.
And to my strong mommas that will always understand and will always be there, I thank you for being there the last 2 years. I couldn't have done it without you.
It's been 2 years, I have a 15 month old daughter and guess what.... I haven't forgotten. And you know what, I never will. The experience still haunts me, still makes me sad, and still makes me wonder what could have been. I would never wish for this and would never wish for it on anyone else. If it were up to me, this would have never happened.
Things happen for a reason, right? Hmmmm, you all know my feelings on this phrase, that is if you have read this blog post.
I think I have told this story before, and I will tell it again. My Grandmother once told me how silly she thought it was that a lady she knew had a memorial bench at a cemetary where plaques were placed for family members that died, including a plaque for the miscarriage she had 52 years earlier. She didn't get it. She didn't understand why you would honor or still want to remember this type of loss. This pain is REAL, this experience is REAL. It cannot be made up, it cannot be forgotten. Even if the pain is dulled by healthy children since born, it still lies there in our hearts.
The one that will always be missing.
My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I consider her a gift my first baby gave me. It's like he/she said "Here. I cannot be there with you, but she can." I am not thankful I had a miscarriage, I am thankful that my daughter is here with me now and she is a gift from the baby that could have been.
So here it is, 2 years later. A lot has changed in the past 2 years. Scars are the reminders that our past is real. I look forward to what the future brings but I will never forget my lost baby.
And to my strong mommas that will always understand and will always be there, I thank you for being there the last 2 years. I couldn't have done it without you.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Miscarriage Survivor: To Be Naive Again....
My daughter is now almost 15 months old. The question of when we are planning to have another is starting to creep into casual conversations. I know several women around me that are pregnant or TTC (Trying to Conceive). This definitely makes me think about baby #2 more.... but I am not ready... yet. Ask me again in a year.
Thinking about TTC brings up a lot of emotions, more than the average person I would think. I have 2 things not on my side, 2 big things. One is a huge statistic and the other, though you make think it's a small statistic, is actually a big one for me as well. I've said before, once you find yourself apart of a small statistic, it no longer seems so small.
My first statistic, the "small" one, is the fear of another miscarriage. The constant worrying, analyzing every symptom, taking several pregnancy tests just to be sure it's still positive, checking the toilet paper to make sure there is no blood (yes, I did this. If you have been through it, you'd understand), and the waiting.....waiting....waiting to get out of the first trimester and for each ultrasound to see everything is still going okay.
My second statistic is the 40% chance I have of another premature birth. I cannot and do not want to go through NICU time ever again. And having a child already is not going to make it any easier to visit and deal with the tidal wave of emotions that it brings on.
Combine those two and it does not equal pregnancy bliss for me. It makes me scared and angry. Why can't I seem to carry a baby to full term? Even if I make it out of the miscarriage danger zone, will I make it to full term?? What is wrong with my body?? How I am supposed to rest with a busy toddler running around? Should I even risk it? Should Hailey be an only child?
So yea, I try to avoid thinking about TTC again for now. Thinking about it opens the flood gates. This is not something I am ready to deal with. Thankfully, my annual appointment with my OB is supposed to be next month (time to make that appointment actually) so I am planning on discussing this with him. It's quite possible we will be either TTC or seriously thinking about it by the time I'd see him again. I am hoping he will give me some light at the end of this tunnel.
To be naive again.... that's what I would like. To not have any fear of anything when it comes to TTC and pregnancy. I'd love to just get pregnant and always assume pregnant = baby. My previous history doesn't guarantee that. My previous history makes me worried about the outcome. How early will my pregnancy end this time? Can I actually carry to full term? I am putting all my bets that I will carry to term but my previous history makes me doubt that every second I think about it.
Thinking about TTC brings up a lot of emotions, more than the average person I would think. I have 2 things not on my side, 2 big things. One is a huge statistic and the other, though you make think it's a small statistic, is actually a big one for me as well. I've said before, once you find yourself apart of a small statistic, it no longer seems so small.
My first statistic, the "small" one, is the fear of another miscarriage. The constant worrying, analyzing every symptom, taking several pregnancy tests just to be sure it's still positive, checking the toilet paper to make sure there is no blood (yes, I did this. If you have been through it, you'd understand), and the waiting.....waiting....waiting to get out of the first trimester and for each ultrasound to see everything is still going okay.
My second statistic is the 40% chance I have of another premature birth. I cannot and do not want to go through NICU time ever again. And having a child already is not going to make it any easier to visit and deal with the tidal wave of emotions that it brings on.
Combine those two and it does not equal pregnancy bliss for me. It makes me scared and angry. Why can't I seem to carry a baby to full term? Even if I make it out of the miscarriage danger zone, will I make it to full term?? What is wrong with my body?? How I am supposed to rest with a busy toddler running around? Should I even risk it? Should Hailey be an only child?
So yea, I try to avoid thinking about TTC again for now. Thinking about it opens the flood gates. This is not something I am ready to deal with. Thankfully, my annual appointment with my OB is supposed to be next month (time to make that appointment actually) so I am planning on discussing this with him. It's quite possible we will be either TTC or seriously thinking about it by the time I'd see him again. I am hoping he will give me some light at the end of this tunnel.
To be naive again.... that's what I would like. To not have any fear of anything when it comes to TTC and pregnancy. I'd love to just get pregnant and always assume pregnant = baby. My previous history doesn't guarantee that. My previous history makes me worried about the outcome. How early will my pregnancy end this time? Can I actually carry to full term? I am putting all my bets that I will carry to term but my previous history makes me doubt that every second I think about it.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
October 15th: Pregnancy & Infant Loss Rememberance Day
October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. Each year, over half a million dreams are shattered. Out of 3.3 million born alive, some 30,000 die during the first 28 days. Another 39,000 babies are still born. Miscarriage occurs in fifteen to twenty percent of pregnancies, while ectopic pregnancy occurs in one percent.
More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.
On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Satisfaction Not Guaranteed
Nothing in life is ever a guarantee. And I don't think most would think twice about this until something has happened to them to make them think otherwise.
I had a miscarriage almost 2 years ago. Up until that point, I always assumed pregnancy = baby. I never thought twice about it when I found out I was pregnant or when I had found out someone else was pregnant.
Now I know this isn't always the case. There is no guarantee.
Now whenever I hear the news of some one's pregnancy & how far along they are, I instantly tense up. If I find out that someone is very early & announcing their pregnancy, I have to take a deep breath. And even to try to tell myself, just because it has happened to me, doesn't mean it will happen to someone else.
Untelling everyone when I miscarried was painful. It was like a dagger in my heart every time I had to watch the expressions on people's faces change when I broke the news to them. When I got pregnant again, with Hailey, we didn't announce it to everyone until after 10 weeks when we had seen the heartbeat twice.
After my miscarriage, I know it put the fear in some of my friends heads that it would happen to them when they became pregnant. I was convinced I had taken one for the team, so none of them would ever experience what I did.
I told myself this... but it hasn't happened this way. Two friends have recently miscarried. It was hard to hear it. It was hard to even be on the other end of it. It brought up old emotions & anxieties. I knew what they were going through and wanted so bad to take it away. I hadn't taken one for the team after all.
Then there are the women who do not know the heartache. The heartache surrounding those who have experienced it or being around someone who has. A friend of mine, who had experienced a loss herself, said recently "I always say that there are women who get pregnant and have no question in their mind that pregnancy = baby. After a loss, even an early one, you always know that just because you get that second line on a test you aren't guaranteed to be holding a baby at the end of it."
I am jealous of those women. I wish I was naive to this type of pain. Most women have blissful pregnancies, not a worry in sight other than gaining too much weight maybe. I am sure they have their fears but they do not have this one. Most women are busy celebrating their pregnancies while I will be hoping to sustain it. Most women worry about finances, symptoms, giving birth, gaining weight, motherhood.... I will worry about my baby dying inside of me.
I wish there was a way to get that guarantee. But it's impossible. Another example of how miscarriage has plagued my life with anger & resentment. I want that guarantee.
I had a miscarriage almost 2 years ago. Up until that point, I always assumed pregnancy = baby. I never thought twice about it when I found out I was pregnant or when I had found out someone else was pregnant.
Now I know this isn't always the case. There is no guarantee.
Now whenever I hear the news of some one's pregnancy & how far along they are, I instantly tense up. If I find out that someone is very early & announcing their pregnancy, I have to take a deep breath. And even to try to tell myself, just because it has happened to me, doesn't mean it will happen to someone else.
Untelling everyone when I miscarried was painful. It was like a dagger in my heart every time I had to watch the expressions on people's faces change when I broke the news to them. When I got pregnant again, with Hailey, we didn't announce it to everyone until after 10 weeks when we had seen the heartbeat twice.
After my miscarriage, I know it put the fear in some of my friends heads that it would happen to them when they became pregnant. I was convinced I had taken one for the team, so none of them would ever experience what I did.
I told myself this... but it hasn't happened this way. Two friends have recently miscarried. It was hard to hear it. It was hard to even be on the other end of it. It brought up old emotions & anxieties. I knew what they were going through and wanted so bad to take it away. I hadn't taken one for the team after all.
Then there are the women who do not know the heartache. The heartache surrounding those who have experienced it or being around someone who has. A friend of mine, who had experienced a loss herself, said recently "I always say that there are women who get pregnant and have no question in their mind that pregnancy = baby. After a loss, even an early one, you always know that just because you get that second line on a test you aren't guaranteed to be holding a baby at the end of it."
I am jealous of those women. I wish I was naive to this type of pain. Most women have blissful pregnancies, not a worry in sight other than gaining too much weight maybe. I am sure they have their fears but they do not have this one. Most women are busy celebrating their pregnancies while I will be hoping to sustain it. Most women worry about finances, symptoms, giving birth, gaining weight, motherhood.... I will worry about my baby dying inside of me.
I wish there was a way to get that guarantee. But it's impossible. Another example of how miscarriage has plagued my life with anger & resentment. I want that guarantee.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Honest Scrap Award
I was given the Honest Scrap Award by Jennifer, a follow blogger!
This award is given to blogs that write honestly and from the depth of their soul, according to her blog.
There are a couple of rules to accepting the award. Firstly is to pass the award on to 7 other bloggers, and secondly to list 10 honest and hopefully interesting things about yourself.
The following are blogs that I read on a daily basis and can relate to on some level. I love being a part of the blogger community and reading the thoughts of those who are experiencing or have experienced the same that I have.
Without further ado, my nominations!
1. Brooke, author of Mommy in Chief
2. Suzie, author of Recovering Actress
3. Karla, author of My Life by Khloe Marilyn
4. Danielle, author of Surviving the Quarter Life
5. Trish, author of Fertile Hope
6. Michele, author of Michele with one L
7. Sara, author of The Brown Family
And for the 10 honest thing about myself:
1. I am the worst with typos. It's not so much that I cannot spell, more like I type too fast, proofread horribly, & my fingers seems to be dyslexic!
2. I never wear shoes unless I have to. Otherwise I am always barefoot or in sandals. My rough heels show it!
3. Even though the above it true, I always sleep with socks on!
4. I cannot stand the touch of velvet. Touching it is like finger nails on a chalkboard for me. It makes me shutter and feel like I have something on my teeth!
5. I do my make up in the morning using my compact mirror. Here I have 3 bathrooms with huge mirrors in each and I choose to sit on my couch and use my tiny compact mirror.
6. I never wear shorts.
7. I hate talking on the phone. At first I was reluctant to begin texting but now I love it because it's quick & easier then getting stuck on the phone. My husband and I even changed our plan to lower our minutes because both of us hardly talk & text so much.
8. I cannot swim in a lake, river, or ocean if I can see the bottom & cannot touch the bottom. It freaks me out. If it is too deep to touch the bottom I'd rather not be able to see it.
9. I am a very random person. I have a dry sense of humor even though I don't like to describe myself that way.
10. I quote movies or TV shows if the quote fits in the conversation. A lot of people do not catch on and I am surprised when they do. My husband got really sunburned this past weekend and I stroked his red back and said "You're my lobster!" My husband nor the couple we were with knew where that came from. (10 points to the 1st person who knows where the came from and who said it!!).
This was fun, hope you enjoyed!!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Names in the Sand
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Female Envy
Female envy takes so many difference forms. Actually, envy itself comes in many forms. Female envy is in a category of its own. It's practically a phenomenon.
Every human being feels jealously over something at some point in their lives, for some on a daily basis. I definitely feel envious of a lot of things.
Females handle this emotion so differently then men (naturally) but what gets me the most is when female envy brings out the very worst in some women. A woman can go from a heartfelt, compassionate woman to a fire-breathing, rip-your-throat-out devil woman. I know a few women like this.
It really peeves me that this type of emotion warrants such ridiculous behavior. The malicious intent behind reactions caused by female envy are amazing. Let the she-bitch out and there is no turning back.
Women can be so competitive. Everything amongst our species seems to be a giant competition. Who has the biggest boobs, who has the smallest measurement, who has the cutest boyfriend. You name it. We all do it. Every woman has had her she-bitch moments.
I think some women can handle their inner she-bitch better than others. Of course for any women, the she-bitch takes over eventually and all hell breaks loose. What irritates me the most is when the she-bitch takes control over a women's entire emotional well-being to the point where the inner she-bitch is now just a bitch.
I can be jealous and genuinely happy for someone at the same time. I have never been the type to allow the inner she-bitch to take control unless it's totally appropriate (of course I'd be lying if I said I have never let her get out of control! ha). If a women is prettier than me then I just stare at her more and I won't refuse to befriend her because she's prettier than me. I won't put her under a microscope and point out every flaw just to make myself feel better (unless she is just an utter bitch, but then she deserves it). <--- See! Female Envy right there!! ha!
There was this girl in High School, we will call her Mary, who absolutely hated me. I never so much as had a conversation with her that was more than a simple "Hello" yet she couldn't stand me. I never understood it but I also never questioned her. It really didn't make much of a difference to me but it always puzzled me how Mary could hate me so much even though she didn't know a thing about me.
About 2 years out of high school I ran into Mary at a random house party with people I would never think she would know (small world). Mary immediately said Hello in such a joyful manner I actually turned around to see if she was talking to someone behind me. No one was there. I was so confused. She asked all about myself, wanted to know what I have been doing since graduation, etc. Not wanting to be rude, I answered her.
She continues to talk to me as if we were old best friends. Finally, I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I asked her (I think these are close to my exact words) "Why are you talking to me? You hated me in high school and now you are talking to me like we are old friends." I said it tactfully because I wasn't angry, just confused by her friendliness.
Mary admitted to me that she didn't like me in high school because a guy who she had a big crush on would go on and on about how much he liked me and how pretty he thought I was. She said it made her hate me because he didn't think of her that way and she couldn't stand when he and his friends would gock over me. I was surprised by her honesty & she seemed genuinely embarrassed by her behavior.
This baffled me. I couldn't believe she would treat me in such a manner all because of a boy who liked me. And ironically, I had no idea who the guy was. I couldn't even begin to picture a face because the name didn't even sound remotely familiar. Her jealously prevented us from becoming friends or even acquaintances. I just couldn't understand. When I dislike people, it's usually for a valid reason and not solely based on someones looks or others fondness of someones appearance.
There are people in my life now, who act similar to Mary even in their adulthood. I wonder what drives this. Drives females to be so hateful of each other. I have heard countless times women describe themselves as someone who doesn't get along with females. Usually "catty,""bitches," or "drama" is followed for an explanation.
Although female envy exists in every female...even me. This must be one of life's rhetorical questions. Ask all you want but you will never get an answer.
Every human being feels jealously over something at some point in their lives, for some on a daily basis. I definitely feel envious of a lot of things.
Females handle this emotion so differently then men (naturally) but what gets me the most is when female envy brings out the very worst in some women. A woman can go from a heartfelt, compassionate woman to a fire-breathing, rip-your-throat-out devil woman. I know a few women like this.
It really peeves me that this type of emotion warrants such ridiculous behavior. The malicious intent behind reactions caused by female envy are amazing. Let the she-bitch out and there is no turning back.
Women can be so competitive. Everything amongst our species seems to be a giant competition. Who has the biggest boobs, who has the smallest measurement, who has the cutest boyfriend. You name it. We all do it. Every woman has had her she-bitch moments.
I think some women can handle their inner she-bitch better than others. Of course for any women, the she-bitch takes over eventually and all hell breaks loose. What irritates me the most is when the she-bitch takes control over a women's entire emotional well-being to the point where the inner she-bitch is now just a bitch.
I can be jealous and genuinely happy for someone at the same time. I have never been the type to allow the inner she-bitch to take control unless it's totally appropriate (of course I'd be lying if I said I have never let her get out of control! ha). If a women is prettier than me then I just stare at her more and I won't refuse to befriend her because she's prettier than me. I won't put her under a microscope and point out every flaw just to make myself feel better (unless she is just an utter bitch, but then she deserves it). <--- See! Female Envy right there!! ha!
There was this girl in High School, we will call her Mary, who absolutely hated me. I never so much as had a conversation with her that was more than a simple "Hello" yet she couldn't stand me. I never understood it but I also never questioned her. It really didn't make much of a difference to me but it always puzzled me how Mary could hate me so much even though she didn't know a thing about me.
About 2 years out of high school I ran into Mary at a random house party with people I would never think she would know (small world). Mary immediately said Hello in such a joyful manner I actually turned around to see if she was talking to someone behind me. No one was there. I was so confused. She asked all about myself, wanted to know what I have been doing since graduation, etc. Not wanting to be rude, I answered her.
She continues to talk to me as if we were old best friends. Finally, I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I asked her (I think these are close to my exact words) "Why are you talking to me? You hated me in high school and now you are talking to me like we are old friends." I said it tactfully because I wasn't angry, just confused by her friendliness.
Mary admitted to me that she didn't like me in high school because a guy who she had a big crush on would go on and on about how much he liked me and how pretty he thought I was. She said it made her hate me because he didn't think of her that way and she couldn't stand when he and his friends would gock over me. I was surprised by her honesty & she seemed genuinely embarrassed by her behavior.
This baffled me. I couldn't believe she would treat me in such a manner all because of a boy who liked me. And ironically, I had no idea who the guy was. I couldn't even begin to picture a face because the name didn't even sound remotely familiar. Her jealously prevented us from becoming friends or even acquaintances. I just couldn't understand. When I dislike people, it's usually for a valid reason and not solely based on someones looks or others fondness of someones appearance.
There are people in my life now, who act similar to Mary even in their adulthood. I wonder what drives this. Drives females to be so hateful of each other. I have heard countless times women describe themselves as someone who doesn't get along with females. Usually "catty,""bitches," or "drama" is followed for an explanation.
Although female envy exists in every female...even me. This must be one of life's rhetorical questions. Ask all you want but you will never get an answer.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Success After a Loss Babies
Each baby pictures here is a success after a miscarriage. Same babies pictured HERE, but now 6 months older. Time flies! Just look at the baby cuteness!!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Mommy Wars: Parenting Styles
I never really thought about parenting styles when I was pregnant. And I don't really think of them now. I have never read a single parenting book either. I couldn't tell you where I get my parenting "theories" from, I just have them. And I don't really need a book to help me label it. I have a degree in Psychology with a minor in Child Development. That's about all I can give you.
But recently I have been thinking about it ever since there was some talk of it amongst a group of women I socialize with. There seemed to be some tension between two sides of parenting styles. I never really put together the controversy around it before but I guess it's there along with all the others.
I never really put a label on myself. As a matter of fact, I hate labels. I claimed independent on my political voting ballot because I refuse to consider myself Republican or Democrat. It's just such a big label and saying I am one or the other sets a huge stage. I am bits of both put together.
So if I were to read each and every style, I can probably find aspects of each that I use.
I guess this is why I do not follow a particular parenting style to the T. And I can't really describe what mine is. I will not follow a parenting style religiously and to be honest I don't understand why some do. It's way too much pressure. Parenting is hard enough without having some strict rules to follow in order to be considered a certain style. And I really feel it kind of promotes judgement amongst each other.
"OMG, you don't wear your baby every where you go?... you use a stroller?? That's so against the rules!!" "You are such a hippie mom" Sorry I don't mean to make fun but I am never the follower type so I guess I don't understand those that follow.
Seriously, if your baby is happy, healthy, thriving, and succeeding I don't care what style you use. As long as, you don't judge me for mine, whatever it is called....
But recently I have been thinking about it ever since there was some talk of it amongst a group of women I socialize with. There seemed to be some tension between two sides of parenting styles. I never really put together the controversy around it before but I guess it's there along with all the others.
I never really put a label on myself. As a matter of fact, I hate labels. I claimed independent on my political voting ballot because I refuse to consider myself Republican or Democrat. It's just such a big label and saying I am one or the other sets a huge stage. I am bits of both put together.
So if I were to read each and every style, I can probably find aspects of each that I use.
I guess this is why I do not follow a particular parenting style to the T. And I can't really describe what mine is. I will not follow a parenting style religiously and to be honest I don't understand why some do. It's way too much pressure. Parenting is hard enough without having some strict rules to follow in order to be considered a certain style. And I really feel it kind of promotes judgement amongst each other.
"OMG, you don't wear your baby every where you go?... you use a stroller?? That's so against the rules!!" "You are such a hippie mom" Sorry I don't mean to make fun but I am never the follower type so I guess I don't understand those that follow.
Seriously, if your baby is happy, healthy, thriving, and succeeding I don't care what style you use. As long as, you don't judge me for mine, whatever it is called....
Bad Parenting Moment
Don't worry, the cans are empty and the straw was never used but when you look at this pic its just too funny not to laugh at. Just laugh, you know you want to!!
...Taken at a family Redneck themed birthday party. Doesn't my hubby look hawt!!? ;)
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Mommy Wars: Breast vs Formula
The reason I use the term Mommy Wars is because I find that parenting is such a controversial thing. You wouldn't think it would be, but it is. We all have our opinions of what is acceptable and what isn't and our own are always the right way!
I think I have started to write this blog post several times and didn't really want to know what I wanted to say. I am an advocate for both. I don't want it to be a post whining that I couldn't breastfed and bitching about the negative attitudes towards formula feeding.
This is just such an ongoing battle between moms and society.
Breast is best right? Formula is poison!
Not exactly...
I am an ex-pumping formula feeding mommy...and proud of it!! My preemie daughter spent her first 4 weeks in the NICU. I wasn't there to breastfed 24/7 and she never learned to latch. I was just happy to see her eating on her own I didn't care if it came from a bottle nipple or my own! I exclusively pumped my breast milk and fed it to her through a bottle (or feeding tube in the NICU) until she was 2 months old. She had to be switched to Hypoallergenic formula due to a milk & soy protein allergy. My supply was low and we were using my frozen stash when I ate dairy products so that stash was no longer good and continuing wasn't an option when my supply sunk to nothing.
So yes, I "gave up." I choose what was best for my daughter. Even though I could have tried to get my supply up, the proteins from my breast milk could still effect her even if I went dairy and soy free with my diet.... and it just wasn't worth it. The hypoallergenic formula worked wonders for her and I stuck with it!! And she is thriving!!
I have heard such strong opinions for both sides.
Formula has been compared to feeding babies pizza and Cheetos. Poisoning them with chemicals. Lazy parenting.
Breast is best. It's the best option and so much better for babies. People say this yet they don't want to see it either. Breastfeed your baby but be sure not to do it in public!
Society can't seem to make up their minds. The cringe and judge when they see a mother pull out a bottle and gasp when a mother pulls out her breast. Quite frankly it is none of any one's business what someone feeds their child as long as the child is thriving.
I think I have started to write this blog post several times and didn't really want to know what I wanted to say. I am an advocate for both. I don't want it to be a post whining that I couldn't breastfed and bitching about the negative attitudes towards formula feeding.
This is just such an ongoing battle between moms and society.
Breast is best right? Formula is poison!
Not exactly...
I am an ex-pumping formula feeding mommy...and proud of it!! My preemie daughter spent her first 4 weeks in the NICU. I wasn't there to breastfed 24/7 and she never learned to latch. I was just happy to see her eating on her own I didn't care if it came from a bottle nipple or my own! I exclusively pumped my breast milk and fed it to her through a bottle (or feeding tube in the NICU) until she was 2 months old. She had to be switched to Hypoallergenic formula due to a milk & soy protein allergy. My supply was low and we were using my frozen stash when I ate dairy products so that stash was no longer good and continuing wasn't an option when my supply sunk to nothing.
So yes, I "gave up." I choose what was best for my daughter. Even though I could have tried to get my supply up, the proteins from my breast milk could still effect her even if I went dairy and soy free with my diet.... and it just wasn't worth it. The hypoallergenic formula worked wonders for her and I stuck with it!! And she is thriving!!
I have heard such strong opinions for both sides.
Formula has been compared to feeding babies pizza and Cheetos. Poisoning them with chemicals. Lazy parenting.
Breast is best. It's the best option and so much better for babies. People say this yet they don't want to see it either. Breastfeed your baby but be sure not to do it in public!
Society can't seem to make up their minds. The cringe and judge when they see a mother pull out a bottle and gasp when a mother pulls out her breast. Quite frankly it is none of any one's business what someone feeds their child as long as the child is thriving.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Blog Makeover!!
I must call attention to my new beautiful redesigned blog! It was definitely time for a makeover!
Courtesy of DesignHer Blog. Brooke is a great blog designer so if you looking for a blog makeover, you can contact Brooke: designherblog@gmail.com She is running a special in July if you sign up as a follower on her blog!
Thank you Brooke!
Courtesy of DesignHer Blog. Brooke is a great blog designer so if you looking for a blog makeover, you can contact Brooke: designherblog@gmail.com She is running a special in July if you sign up as a follower on her blog!
Thank you Brooke!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
You are so lucky
I think it's very common for women at the end of their pregnancies to be anxious for the pregnancy to be over and their babies born. Not only because they are dying to meet that adorable little person who has been kicking them for 9 months, but because they are so uncomfortable from being fat, swollen, and wobbly.
If you have followed my blog, you know that I went into labor and delivered at 33 weeks pregnant. Without going into the long details as I have already done, my premature baby was not released from the hospital until 4 weeks (29 days) later. She stayed in the NICU and finished growing there instead of in the womb I created for her.
A common discussion amongst mothers or between a new mother and a pregnant mother-to-be are labor stories. When I share that I went into labor & delivered at 33 weeks, a typical reaction is "You are so lucky" then followed by the reasons why I am "so" lucky. These usually range from not having to endure the last 2 months of agonizing pregnancy and being able to be done with it early.
Little do they know that all this makes me want to do if flick them on their pretty little forehead and smack some sense into them. It has come to the point where I literally have to bite my tongue to prevent me from ripping them a new one. Yes, I know these comments come from innocence but they are also extremely ignorant.
This has got to be the most ludicrous way of thinking I have ever come across. It really puts into perspective how little the general public (mothers being the majority of who I speak with about this) knows about the seriousness of premature birth. They have absolutely no idea what it means to have a premature baby. They have no idea what it could mean either.
All they think of is not being pregnant anymore and good that will feel. They don't think about how it will feel to watch their innocent tiny baby fight for its life, they don't think about how it will feel to leave their baby in the hospital day after day.
Women are pregnant for 40 weeks for a reason and it's certainly not to torture the pregnant mother. It's to give the baby the proper amount of time to grow and prepare for the outside world. Consider yourself lucky to make it to full term. Your chances of any complications drop drastically.
Just to be clear, I don't expect every pregnant mother to be on the edge of their seats the entire pregnancy in fear of premature birth. I only ask that women educate themselves on pregnancy and understand that the longer their baby stays in, the better. Never think another women is lucky to have given birth early, just thank your lucky stars it didn't happened to you.
If you have followed my blog, you know that I went into labor and delivered at 33 weeks pregnant. Without going into the long details as I have already done, my premature baby was not released from the hospital until 4 weeks (29 days) later. She stayed in the NICU and finished growing there instead of in the womb I created for her.
A common discussion amongst mothers or between a new mother and a pregnant mother-to-be are labor stories. When I share that I went into labor & delivered at 33 weeks, a typical reaction is "You are so lucky" then followed by the reasons why I am "so" lucky. These usually range from not having to endure the last 2 months of agonizing pregnancy and being able to be done with it early.
Little do they know that all this makes me want to do if flick them on their pretty little forehead and smack some sense into them. It has come to the point where I literally have to bite my tongue to prevent me from ripping them a new one. Yes, I know these comments come from innocence but they are also extremely ignorant.
This has got to be the most ludicrous way of thinking I have ever come across. It really puts into perspective how little the general public (mothers being the majority of who I speak with about this) knows about the seriousness of premature birth. They have absolutely no idea what it means to have a premature baby. They have no idea what it could mean either.
All they think of is not being pregnant anymore and good that will feel. They don't think about how it will feel to watch their innocent tiny baby fight for its life, they don't think about how it will feel to leave their baby in the hospital day after day.
Women are pregnant for 40 weeks for a reason and it's certainly not to torture the pregnant mother. It's to give the baby the proper amount of time to grow and prepare for the outside world. Consider yourself lucky to make it to full term. Your chances of any complications drop drastically.
Just to be clear, I don't expect every pregnant mother to be on the edge of their seats the entire pregnancy in fear of premature birth. I only ask that women educate themselves on pregnancy and understand that the longer their baby stays in, the better. Never think another women is lucky to have given birth early, just thank your lucky stars it didn't happened to you.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Mommy Wars: Babies & Sleep & Self Soothing
You would never guess how many sleep books there are out there for parents to read. And you wouldn't believe how much your day is surrounded & focused on sleep. There are times when you are so tired of thinking about sleep, you just want to crawl in bed....and sleep. Sleep is a huge subject for any parent under the age of one.
There are also several different opinions on this matter. I am sure you will find a different version or variation of sleep in each parent.
If you were to google baby sleep patterns or something like it, you would more than likely come up with several resources referring to the Ferber Method. One of the many forms of Cry It Out (CIO). There is lots of controversy around this subject. Some think it's horrible and others want plant a big fat kiss on Ferber's face.
Don't worry, I am not even going to touch on the controversial side of it. That's not the point of this post.
Hailey has always been a good sleeper. She began sleeping through the night at about 3 months old 12 hours. She did regress at 6 months & randomly woke 1x a night (always around 11pm) until about 8.5 months old when she began to sleep through the night again. She did this all on her own, no sleep training required and I never resorted to sleep training during the 6-8.5 month period.
Why, you ask? Not because I don't believe in CIO. It's not that I don't, I just choose not to. I know several people who have done it and it's no skin off my back. To each their own.
As a matter of fact, at 10 months old I still rock Hailey to sleep every night (if she will let me! Sometimes she just wants to do it herself!). And I am not ashamed of this whatsoever. I am sure the avid Ferberizers out there are cringing as they read this!!
Self-soothing. This is what Ferber teaches. The ability for a baby to self-soothe themselves back into a peaceful slumber without the help of mommy or daddy.
Here is why I choose the route I do.
Most moms get to hold their babies right after their birth. Cuddle, kiss, stroke and begin the breastfeeding process. They get to cuddle, nurse and snuggle with their babies every 1-2-3 hours a day.
Bonding. The ultimate bonding experience is considered breast feeding (this will be another post all in its own). Even if the mother chooses to bottle feed, she still gets to hold her baby close to her as she does so.
Most mothers also get to take their newborns home with them once they are released. They are with them 24/7 from the second they are born.
Then comes my story.
My baby was born 7 weeks early. She was whisked away at birth due to her prematurity. I got to spend a total of 30 seconds with her before they wheeled her out of the room to the NICU where she stayed for the next 4 weeks.
During these 4 weeks, she was handled by 2 different nurses each day. Different touch, feel, warmth. I was not able to be there 24/7. I didn't get the breastfeeding experience most moms do. My baby was put in an isolette only to be brought out for a short amount of time to be held. My baby got to spend a majority of her first 4 weeks of life by herself in an isolette.
She had trouble eating. This is what kept her in the NICU for that long. We had trouble getting her to eat an entire bottle by herself from a nipple let alone my breast. I pumped and feed her my expressed breast milk through a bottle.
She also had reflux. And add to that too fatigued to eat by mouth and you got yourself a difficult feeding situation. I had to hold her upright and on my lap to feed her. Not only to help her stay awake but also to help the reflux so her food wouldn't come back up, slow her heart rate and have her turn blue because she wasn't getting any oxygen. Yes, I got to see my 2 week old baby turn bright blue in my arms. I had a nurse swoop her out of arms to get her to start breathing again. Makes my heart jump just thinking back on it.
My point is I didn't get to have this blissful bonding experience with my baby until she was 1 month old And even then she still needed to be feed held upright on my lap for the reflux. She screamed bloody murder when she was put to my breast and I was NOT about to stress her out so much where she would stop eating and need to be hospitalized for failure to thrive.
So yes, cuddling and snuggling with her as I rocked her to sleep was the only bonding time I got. It wasn't until she was 3 months old when I got to cradle her as I fed her.
And as far as self soothing. She knows how to self soothe. Trust me. She sleeps 12 hours at night! I hear her from time to time talking to herself in the middle of the night then drifting back to sleep. She doesn't need me to fall asleep. I just prefer and love rocking her to sleep. I love watching her sleep. It's so amazing and peaceful.
So next time anyone decides to judge another for their sleep choices (whether it be CIO or my story) consider the circumstances. You never know what someone's story is.
There are also several different opinions on this matter. I am sure you will find a different version or variation of sleep in each parent.
If you were to google baby sleep patterns or something like it, you would more than likely come up with several resources referring to the Ferber Method. One of the many forms of Cry It Out (CIO). There is lots of controversy around this subject. Some think it's horrible and others want plant a big fat kiss on Ferber's face.
Don't worry, I am not even going to touch on the controversial side of it. That's not the point of this post.
Hailey has always been a good sleeper. She began sleeping through the night at about 3 months old 12 hours. She did regress at 6 months & randomly woke 1x a night (always around 11pm) until about 8.5 months old when she began to sleep through the night again. She did this all on her own, no sleep training required and I never resorted to sleep training during the 6-8.5 month period.
Why, you ask? Not because I don't believe in CIO. It's not that I don't, I just choose not to. I know several people who have done it and it's no skin off my back. To each their own.
As a matter of fact, at 10 months old I still rock Hailey to sleep every night (if she will let me! Sometimes she just wants to do it herself!). And I am not ashamed of this whatsoever. I am sure the avid Ferberizers out there are cringing as they read this!!
Self-soothing. This is what Ferber teaches. The ability for a baby to self-soothe themselves back into a peaceful slumber without the help of mommy or daddy.
Here is why I choose the route I do.
Most moms get to hold their babies right after their birth. Cuddle, kiss, stroke and begin the breastfeeding process. They get to cuddle, nurse and snuggle with their babies every 1-2-3 hours a day.
Bonding. The ultimate bonding experience is considered breast feeding (this will be another post all in its own). Even if the mother chooses to bottle feed, she still gets to hold her baby close to her as she does so.
Most mothers also get to take their newborns home with them once they are released. They are with them 24/7 from the second they are born.
Then comes my story.
My baby was born 7 weeks early. She was whisked away at birth due to her prematurity. I got to spend a total of 30 seconds with her before they wheeled her out of the room to the NICU where she stayed for the next 4 weeks.
During these 4 weeks, she was handled by 2 different nurses each day. Different touch, feel, warmth. I was not able to be there 24/7. I didn't get the breastfeeding experience most moms do. My baby was put in an isolette only to be brought out for a short amount of time to be held. My baby got to spend a majority of her first 4 weeks of life by herself in an isolette.
She had trouble eating. This is what kept her in the NICU for that long. We had trouble getting her to eat an entire bottle by herself from a nipple let alone my breast. I pumped and feed her my expressed breast milk through a bottle.
She also had reflux. And add to that too fatigued to eat by mouth and you got yourself a difficult feeding situation. I had to hold her upright and on my lap to feed her. Not only to help her stay awake but also to help the reflux so her food wouldn't come back up, slow her heart rate and have her turn blue because she wasn't getting any oxygen. Yes, I got to see my 2 week old baby turn bright blue in my arms. I had a nurse swoop her out of arms to get her to start breathing again. Makes my heart jump just thinking back on it.
My point is I didn't get to have this blissful bonding experience with my baby until she was 1 month old And even then she still needed to be feed held upright on my lap for the reflux. She screamed bloody murder when she was put to my breast and I was NOT about to stress her out so much where she would stop eating and need to be hospitalized for failure to thrive.
So yes, cuddling and snuggling with her as I rocked her to sleep was the only bonding time I got. It wasn't until she was 3 months old when I got to cradle her as I fed her.
And as far as self soothing. She knows how to self soothe. Trust me. She sleeps 12 hours at night! I hear her from time to time talking to herself in the middle of the night then drifting back to sleep. She doesn't need me to fall asleep. I just prefer and love rocking her to sleep. I love watching her sleep. It's so amazing and peaceful.
So next time anyone decides to judge another for their sleep choices (whether it be CIO or my story) consider the circumstances. You never know what someone's story is.
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